Chapter 26

Well that's all I'm going to tell you about. I could tell you about what I did after I went home, and how I got sick and all, but I don't feel like it. I don't know what to think about all the stuff I just told you about. I'm sorry I told so many people about it. All I know is, I sort of miss everyone I told about. It's funny. Don't ever tell anybody anything. If you do, you start missing everybody.

The Carrousel

Chapter 25

When I got outside I didn't know where the hell to go. In the end I stayed in the waiting room at Grand Central. The next day I had this crazy idea about going away to the west. I would be like a deaf-mute and then I couldn't have any goddamn stupid useless conversations with anybody. I got excited as hell thinking about it. I know the deaf-mute thing was crazy, but I liked thinking about it.
I wrote Phoebe a letter and went to her school so one of the teachers could give it to her. I told her to meet me at the museum so I could give her back her Christmas dough. When she met me she was carrying a suitcase with her. She had this crazy idea about coming away with me. I said she couldn't and told her to shut up. I didn't mean to tell her to shut uo. I kept tellling her she had to go back to school and then she told me to shut up. It sounded terrible.
In the end we went to the zoo, and then went over to the carrousel. I bought her a ticket and said I'd watch her. When it started I watched her go around and around. When it finished I told her to buy some more tickets. Then it started to goddamn rain. In buckets, I swear to God. Everyone went and stood under the roof, but I just stayed on the bench. I didn't care if I got soaked. All of a sudden I felt so damn happy. The way Phoebe just kept going around and around, she looked so damn nice. I wish you could have been there.

My Red Hunting Hat

Chapter 24

When I was at Mr Antolini's, he was pretty drunk, and he was giving me this big talk about how he thought I was heading for a terrible fall and that I need to figure out what to do. I appreciated it and all, but I was so goddamn tired.
When I was asleep, I suddenly felt something on my head. I woke up and Mr Antolini was sat next to me patting me on the goddamn head! I couldn't get out of the apartment quick enough. I even left without my tie. Perverty stuff like that has happened to me about twenty times since I was a kid. I can't stand it.

Chapter 23

Mr Antolini said to go over to his right away if I wanted. He was about the best teacher I ever had. He was the one who finally picked up James Castle when he jumped out the window. When I went back to D.B's room, old Phoebe had put some music on, so we danced for a while. Then Phoebe heard the front door open so I had to hide in the goddamn closet. When mother went out of the bedroom I decided to leave. Boy was I nervous. Phoebe leant me some of her Christmas dough because I was broke. I took my hunting hat out of my pocket and gave it to her. I'll bet she slept with it on.
It was a helluva lot easier getting out of the house than it was getting in. I didn't really care if they caught me to be honest. I almost wished they did, in a way.

Chapter 22

When she spoke to me again all she talked about was me getting kicked out of school, so I told her that it was the worst school that I ever went to and it was full of goddamn phonies and mean guys. I started thinking about this boy I knew at Elkton Hills. James Castle. He wouldn’t take back what he’d said about somebody, so when they all started on him, instead of taking back what he said; he jumped out of the window. All they did to guys that were in his room was expel them. They didn’t even go to jail.
Phoebe asked me what I wanted to be, and I said I wanted to be a person that caught the children when they fell off a cliff when they were playing. That’s all I’d do all day. I know it’s crazy. I decided to ring my old English up from Elkton Hills, Mr Antolini.

Chapter 21

When I got home I had to sneak in very goddamn carefully. It turned out that my parents weren’t even in. Phoebe seemed very excited to see me, but then she sort of found out that I got kicked out of Pencey and then put her head under the pillow and ignored me. All she said was that dad was going to kill me. I said nobody was gonna kill me, but you can’t reason with that kid sometimes. Finally I got up and went out into the living room to get some cigarettes.

Chapter 20

When he left I just kept sitting there getting drunk. Boy, I was sat at that goddamn bar till around one o’clock or something. I was drunk as a b*stard. When I got outside I gave Sally Hayes a buzz. I kept asking her if she wanted me to go around on Christmas Eve and trim the tree for her. She could tell I was drunk so she just kept saying yes and then hung up on me. I started to walk over to the park and see what the hell the ducks were doing. The something terrible happened. I dropped old Phoebe’s record and it broke into about fifty pieces. I damn near cried. When I went into the park it was very dark. After a while I decided that I was going to try and sneak home and see Phoebe.

Chapter 19

I got to the bar before old Luce did, so I ordered the drinks then watched the phonies for a while. Finally he showed up. Carl Luce. What a guy. All he ever used to do was give these s*x talks and all. When he arrived all he did was sit down and say he could only stay for a couple of minutes. I pointed out a flit at the bar but he just told me to grow up. I kept asking him about his s*x life but he didn’t seem interested in talking about it. All he said was that he was going out with this woman from Shanghai who was in her late thirties.

Chapter 18

I gave old Jane a buzz again but she didn't answer so I hung up. I rang Carl Luce instead. We agreed to meet up for drinks later on, so what I did was I went to the movies at Radio City. It was probably the worst thing I could have done. It was so putrid I couldn't take my eyes off it. There was this woman sat next to me that cried all the way through the goddamn thing. The phonier it got, the more she cried. All I can say is, don't go and see it if you don't want to puke all over yourself.

Chapter 17

When I met Sally she looked terrific. She really did. After the movie we went skating. But by the time we finished skating and having drinks we hated each others gut. I’d suddenly asked her to practically run away with me to Massachusetts and Vermont. God, I shouldn’t have done it because it ended up in a big argument and I called her a pain in the ass. She started crying and I apologised but she didn’t accept it so I left without her. The terrible part though is that when I asked her I actually meant it. I swear to God I’m a madman.

Chapter 16

It was only noon and I wasn’t meeting Sally till 2 o’clock. I started walking over towards Broadway. There was this record I wanted to get Phoebe, called ‘Little Shirley Beans.’ I knew it would knock her out. As I walk walking I noticed a family that had just come out of some church. They looked sort of poor. The kid was walking in the street instead of on the sidewalk, but right next to the curb. The whole time he kept singing and humming. He was singing that song ‘If a body catch a body comin’ through the rye.’ He had a pretty little voice, too. It made me feel better. Not so depressed anymore.
I got Phoebe the record and made me my to the park to see if she was around so I could give it to her. She wasn’t there though. So what I did was I walked over to the museum. When I was a kid we used to go there all the time with school. I love that damn museum. The best thing was that everything always stayed right where it was. You could go there a hundred thousand times and everything would be right where it had always been. Nothing would be different. The only thing different would be you.
When I got there I didn’t want to go in. So I got a cab to go meet Sally. I didn’t feel much like going though.

Chapter 15

It was about 10 o’clock when I woke up. I felt like giving old Jane a buzz, but I wasn’t in the mood. I gave old Sally Hayes a buzz instead. I wasn’t too crazy about her, but I’d known her for years. We arranged to go see a movie and I told her not to be late. She was always late.
I had loads of time so I told the cab driver to take me to Grand Central Station. I went and had some breakfast in this little sandwich bar. While I was eating, these 2 nuns came and sat down next to me. We ended up speaking. I gave them 10 bucks as a contribution. As they were going I said I’d enjoyed speaking to them. I really did too. When they left I was sort of sorry that I’d only given them 10 bucks for their collection. I needed some money for the date with Sally though. Goddamn money. It always ends up making you blue as hell.

Chapter 14

After she’d gone I got undressed and got in bed. All of a sudden I heard a knock on the door. I hoped it wasn’t my door they were knocking on, but I knew damn well it was. I knew who it was too. I’m psychic. I finally opened the door and old Sunny, the girl from before and Maurice were stood there. When I spoke my voice was shaking like hell. It was about the 5 bucks they said I owed them. God, my heart was damn near beating me out of the room. They acted like they owned the place. It wouldn’t have been so bad if I hadn’t had my pyjamas on. He kept asking for the money but I wouldn’t give it to him. Next thing, Sunny got my wallet and got 5 bucks out. All of a sudden I started to cry. I’d give anything if I hadn’t., but I did. Maurice gave me a shove. I called him a goddamn dirty moron and then he smacked me.
After they’d gone I was imagining going downstairs with an automatic and shooting Maurice. It was like something out of a goddamn movie. They can ruin you. I’m not kidding.
I finally got back into bed, but I felt like committing suicide. Just jumping out of the window. I didn’t want a bunch of stupid rednecks looking at me when I was all gory though.