Chapter 26

Well that's all I'm going to tell you about. I could tell you about what I did after I went home, and how I got sick and all, but I don't feel like it. I don't know what to think about all the stuff I just told you about. I'm sorry I told so many people about it. All I know is, I sort of miss everyone I told about. It's funny. Don't ever tell anybody anything. If you do, you start missing everybody.

The Carrousel

Chapter 25

When I got outside I didn't know where the hell to go. In the end I stayed in the waiting room at Grand Central. The next day I had this crazy idea about going away to the west. I would be like a deaf-mute and then I couldn't have any goddamn stupid useless conversations with anybody. I got excited as hell thinking about it. I know the deaf-mute thing was crazy, but I liked thinking about it.
I wrote Phoebe a letter and went to her school so one of the teachers could give it to her. I told her to meet me at the museum so I could give her back her Christmas dough. When she met me she was carrying a suitcase with her. She had this crazy idea about coming away with me. I said she couldn't and told her to shut up. I didn't mean to tell her to shut uo. I kept tellling her she had to go back to school and then she told me to shut up. It sounded terrible.
In the end we went to the zoo, and then went over to the carrousel. I bought her a ticket and said I'd watch her. When it started I watched her go around and around. When it finished I told her to buy some more tickets. Then it started to goddamn rain. In buckets, I swear to God. Everyone went and stood under the roof, but I just stayed on the bench. I didn't care if I got soaked. All of a sudden I felt so damn happy. The way Phoebe just kept going around and around, she looked so damn nice. I wish you could have been there.

My Red Hunting Hat

Chapter 24

When I was at Mr Antolini's, he was pretty drunk, and he was giving me this big talk about how he thought I was heading for a terrible fall and that I need to figure out what to do. I appreciated it and all, but I was so goddamn tired.
When I was asleep, I suddenly felt something on my head. I woke up and Mr Antolini was sat next to me patting me on the goddamn head! I couldn't get out of the apartment quick enough. I even left without my tie. Perverty stuff like that has happened to me about twenty times since I was a kid. I can't stand it.

Chapter 23

Mr Antolini said to go over to his right away if I wanted. He was about the best teacher I ever had. He was the one who finally picked up James Castle when he jumped out the window. When I went back to D.B's room, old Phoebe had put some music on, so we danced for a while. Then Phoebe heard the front door open so I had to hide in the goddamn closet. When mother went out of the bedroom I decided to leave. Boy was I nervous. Phoebe leant me some of her Christmas dough because I was broke. I took my hunting hat out of my pocket and gave it to her. I'll bet she slept with it on.
It was a helluva lot easier getting out of the house than it was getting in. I didn't really care if they caught me to be honest. I almost wished they did, in a way.

Chapter 22

When she spoke to me again all she talked about was me getting kicked out of school, so I told her that it was the worst school that I ever went to and it was full of goddamn phonies and mean guys. I started thinking about this boy I knew at Elkton Hills. James Castle. He wouldn’t take back what he’d said about somebody, so when they all started on him, instead of taking back what he said; he jumped out of the window. All they did to guys that were in his room was expel them. They didn’t even go to jail.
Phoebe asked me what I wanted to be, and I said I wanted to be a person that caught the children when they fell off a cliff when they were playing. That’s all I’d do all day. I know it’s crazy. I decided to ring my old English up from Elkton Hills, Mr Antolini.

Chapter 21

When I got home I had to sneak in very goddamn carefully. It turned out that my parents weren’t even in. Phoebe seemed very excited to see me, but then she sort of found out that I got kicked out of Pencey and then put her head under the pillow and ignored me. All she said was that dad was going to kill me. I said nobody was gonna kill me, but you can’t reason with that kid sometimes. Finally I got up and went out into the living room to get some cigarettes.

Chapter 20

When he left I just kept sitting there getting drunk. Boy, I was sat at that goddamn bar till around one o’clock or something. I was drunk as a b*stard. When I got outside I gave Sally Hayes a buzz. I kept asking her if she wanted me to go around on Christmas Eve and trim the tree for her. She could tell I was drunk so she just kept saying yes and then hung up on me. I started to walk over to the park and see what the hell the ducks were doing. The something terrible happened. I dropped old Phoebe’s record and it broke into about fifty pieces. I damn near cried. When I went into the park it was very dark. After a while I decided that I was going to try and sneak home and see Phoebe.

Chapter 19

I got to the bar before old Luce did, so I ordered the drinks then watched the phonies for a while. Finally he showed up. Carl Luce. What a guy. All he ever used to do was give these s*x talks and all. When he arrived all he did was sit down and say he could only stay for a couple of minutes. I pointed out a flit at the bar but he just told me to grow up. I kept asking him about his s*x life but he didn’t seem interested in talking about it. All he said was that he was going out with this woman from Shanghai who was in her late thirties.

Chapter 18

I gave old Jane a buzz again but she didn't answer so I hung up. I rang Carl Luce instead. We agreed to meet up for drinks later on, so what I did was I went to the movies at Radio City. It was probably the worst thing I could have done. It was so putrid I couldn't take my eyes off it. There was this woman sat next to me that cried all the way through the goddamn thing. The phonier it got, the more she cried. All I can say is, don't go and see it if you don't want to puke all over yourself.

Chapter 17

When I met Sally she looked terrific. She really did. After the movie we went skating. But by the time we finished skating and having drinks we hated each others gut. I’d suddenly asked her to practically run away with me to Massachusetts and Vermont. God, I shouldn’t have done it because it ended up in a big argument and I called her a pain in the ass. She started crying and I apologised but she didn’t accept it so I left without her. The terrible part though is that when I asked her I actually meant it. I swear to God I’m a madman.

Chapter 16

It was only noon and I wasn’t meeting Sally till 2 o’clock. I started walking over towards Broadway. There was this record I wanted to get Phoebe, called ‘Little Shirley Beans.’ I knew it would knock her out. As I walk walking I noticed a family that had just come out of some church. They looked sort of poor. The kid was walking in the street instead of on the sidewalk, but right next to the curb. The whole time he kept singing and humming. He was singing that song ‘If a body catch a body comin’ through the rye.’ He had a pretty little voice, too. It made me feel better. Not so depressed anymore.
I got Phoebe the record and made me my to the park to see if she was around so I could give it to her. She wasn’t there though. So what I did was I walked over to the museum. When I was a kid we used to go there all the time with school. I love that damn museum. The best thing was that everything always stayed right where it was. You could go there a hundred thousand times and everything would be right where it had always been. Nothing would be different. The only thing different would be you.
When I got there I didn’t want to go in. So I got a cab to go meet Sally. I didn’t feel much like going though.

Chapter 15

It was about 10 o’clock when I woke up. I felt like giving old Jane a buzz, but I wasn’t in the mood. I gave old Sally Hayes a buzz instead. I wasn’t too crazy about her, but I’d known her for years. We arranged to go see a movie and I told her not to be late. She was always late.
I had loads of time so I told the cab driver to take me to Grand Central Station. I went and had some breakfast in this little sandwich bar. While I was eating, these 2 nuns came and sat down next to me. We ended up speaking. I gave them 10 bucks as a contribution. As they were going I said I’d enjoyed speaking to them. I really did too. When they left I was sort of sorry that I’d only given them 10 bucks for their collection. I needed some money for the date with Sally though. Goddamn money. It always ends up making you blue as hell.

Chapter 14

After she’d gone I got undressed and got in bed. All of a sudden I heard a knock on the door. I hoped it wasn’t my door they were knocking on, but I knew damn well it was. I knew who it was too. I’m psychic. I finally opened the door and old Sunny, the girl from before and Maurice were stood there. When I spoke my voice was shaking like hell. It was about the 5 bucks they said I owed them. God, my heart was damn near beating me out of the room. They acted like they owned the place. It wouldn’t have been so bad if I hadn’t had my pyjamas on. He kept asking for the money but I wouldn’t give it to him. Next thing, Sunny got my wallet and got 5 bucks out. All of a sudden I started to cry. I’d give anything if I hadn’t., but I did. Maurice gave me a shove. I called him a goddamn dirty moron and then he smacked me.
After they’d gone I was imagining going downstairs with an automatic and shooting Maurice. It was like something out of a goddamn movie. They can ruin you. I’m not kidding.
I finally got back into bed, but I felt like committing suicide. Just jumping out of the window. I didn’t want a bunch of stupid rednecks looking at me when I was all gory though.

Chapter 13

I walked all the way back to the hotel. I wish I knew who stole my goddamn gloves at Pencey - not that I would have done anything about it. I'm yellow like that. The more I thought about it, the more depressed I got. The whole lobby was empty and smelt like fifty million dead cigars. I was feeling sort of lousy. Depressed and all. I almost wished I was dead.
That's when I got in this big mess. The elevator guy asked me if innarested in having a good time. I asked him what he meant and said okay. I was feeling so depressed I didn’t even think.
I went up to my room and put on a clean shirt. I was a little nervous. If you want to know the truth, I’m a virgin. I really am. I’ve had a few opportunities,. But I’ve never got round to it yet. I figured this was my big chance, in a way.
When I opened the door to her I said, suave as hell, “How do you do.” She came in and chucked her coat on the bed right away. She seemed very nervous for a prostitute. Probably because she was young as hell. Around my age.
In the end I backed out of sleeping with her. It didn’t feel right. I told her I’d just had an operation on my clavichord. I thanked her and all and gave her the 5 dollar bill. She told me that it costs ten and I said Maurice said it was 5 for a throw. She sort of just shrugged her shoulders. She was a bit of a spooky kid. As she went she said “So long, crumb bum.”

Playlist

New York New York
A Thousand Miles
I Don’t Want To Miss A Thing
I will always love you
Sex bomb
I’ll be missing you
I’m in the mood for dancing
Somewhere else
Oxygen
The Pretender
Stop the clock
Three doors down
The great escape
Let it snow
I want to break free
Yellow
Sweet child of mine
Give me shelter

My Sonnet

She was the type of girl who knocked me out
I could trust her with anything, no doubt
You don’t horse around with a girl like her
The smile, the laugh, the perfect figure.

She always kept her kings on the back row
She was a safe player, I’ll have you know
The first time I saw her, I knew she was right
She ran through my head the rest of that night.

Stradlater thought of giving her the time
I knew Jane wouldn’t commit to that crime
I knew she was more sensible than that
And wouldn't give in to that selfish rat.

I haven't seen her in a while or so
Although I hope I do, we'll never know.

Chapter 12

New York's terrible when you hear someone laugh at night. You can hear it for miles. It makes you feel so lonesome and depressed. The driver of the cab struck up conversation, so I asked him if he knew where the ducks in the Central Park lagoon went in winter. He was a very impatient-type guy. He said "How the hell should I know a thing like that?" I told him not to get sore about it but he just argued that nobody was sore. I stopped having conversation with him if he was going to be so damn touchy about it. Then he started talking to me again saying that the fish don't go no place - they just stay right in the goddamn lake. But I wanted to know about the ducks. He just told me to use my goddamn head.
When we got to Ernie's and I got out of the cab, he brought the fish up again. He said, "If you was a fish, Mother Nature'd take care of you, wouldn't she? You don't think them fish just die when it gets to winter, do ya?" I said no and then he said "You're goddamn right they don't." And then drove off like a bat out of hell.
When I was in Ernie's this girl came up to me and said, "Holden Caulfield!" It was Lillian Simmons. She used to go around with my brother D.B for a while. She asked about him, and when I said he has in Hollywood you could tell she thought it was a very big deal.
She introduced me to this Navy guy who she was with. You could tell he didn't like her that much, even though he was dating her. I didn't like her much either. Nobody did. She invited me to go and join her but I just said that I was leaving and I had to meet someone. Once I said that I had no choice but to leave. I certainly wasn't going to sit down at a table her and the Navy guy and be bored to death. It made me mad though. People are always ruining things for you.

Chapter 11

I got old Jane Gallagher on the brain again on the way back to the lobby. I couldn't stop thinking about her and Stradlater in the back of Ed Banky's goddamn car. I was pretty sure Stradlater hadn't given her the time. I knew old Jane like a book. But I couldn't stop thinking about her.
She used to live in the house next door to ours. I saw her by the pool one day and went over and said hello. I hadn't conversed with her before or anything. After that, me and Jane got to be friends and all. She was a funny girl, old Jane. I wouldn't exactly discribe her as strictly beautiful. She knocked me out though.
I remember one afternoon when I was over at her house and we were in the porch. We were playing checkers. I used to kid her once in a while because she never took her kings off the back row. Anyway, all of a sudden, this booze hound her mother was married to came out and asked Jane if there were any cigarettes in the house. He had a lousy personality. Old Jane wouldn't answer him when he asked her. He asked her again but she didn't even look up from the game. The guy finally went back inside. Once he did, I asked Jane what the hell was going on. She wouldn't even answer me then. Then, all of a sudden, this tear plopped down onto a red square on the checkerboard. I went over and made her move onto the glider so that I could sit next to her. That's when she really started to cry. The next thing I knew, I was kissing her all over - anywhere - her eyes, her nose, her forehead and all - everywhere apart from her mouth. Anyway, that's the closest we ever got to necking. After that we went to a goddamn movie. I held hands with her the whole time. Most girls you hold hands with, their goddamn hand dies on you. But Jane was different.
Anyway, after I'd stopped thinking about Jane I still wasn't tired or anything. So I got a cab and told the driver to take me to Ernie's. It's a night club in Greenwich Village where my brother D.B used to go. He used to take me with him once in a while.

Chapter 10

It was still pretty early and the one thing I hate is going to bed when I'm not even tired. I decided that what I'd do was I'd go downstairs and see what the hell was going on in the Lavender Room. It was this nightclub in the hotel. While I was changing my shirt, I damn near gave my kid sister Phoebe a buzz, but I knew she wouldn't answer, and I didn't want to risk my goddamn parents finding out I was in New York. You should see her. You never saw a little kid so pretty and smart in your whole life. She has this sort of red hair, a little like Allie's was. She's only ten. She's so smart, she got all A's ever since she started school. You'd like her.
When I went down to the club I was sat next to these three girls around thirty or so. The whole three of them were pretty ugly, but one of them, the blonde one, she wasn't too bad. I started giving her the eye a bit, and later on I asked her to dance. I really felt like dancing. When I asked the three of them just started giggling like morons. Finally, the blonde one got up to dance with me. She was one of the best dancers I've ever danced with. I'm not kidding. I was about half in love with her when we sat down. By the end of the night I'd danced with them all. The whole three of them.
I left the Lavender Room not long after them. They were closing it up anyway.

Chapter 9

The first thing I did when I got off the train was I went into the phone booth. I felt like giving someone a buzz, but I couldn't think of anyone to call up. After about twenty minutes of thinking of something to call I came out of the booth. I went over to the tunnel where the cabs are and got a cab. After a while I asked the driver if he knew where the ducks in that lagoon near Central Park South went in winter. He turned around and looked at me like I was a goddamn madman.
He dropped me at Endmont Hotel. I'd put on my hunting cap on when I was in the cab. Just for the fun of it. But I took it off before I went to check in. I didn't know then that the goddamn hotel was full of perverts and morons. When I was in my room I went and looked out of the window and saw this gray-haired guy do something you wouldn't believe if I told you. He put his suitcase on the bed and took out all these women's clothes - then he started dressing up and goddamn walking around in them smoking a cigarette like a woman does.
Then, in another window, I saw a woman and a man squirting water out of their goddamn mouths at each other and laughing hysterically.
After a while I sat down and smoke a couple of cigarettes. I decided to ring a girl up whose number I got off Eddie Birdsell at a party last summer. She was the type of girl who didn't mind doing it once in a while. When she answered she didn't sound too friendly that I'd rang her up that late at night. I explained that I was a friend of Eddie's and then asked if she wanted to meet up for cocktails or something. She said it was too goddamn late but we could meet up tomorrow. I said that tonight was the only night I could meet up and then we hung up. I shouldn't have said that. Boy, I really fouled that up.

Chapter 8

When I got on the train I just sort of sat there and did nothing. I usually like riding on trains at night, with the lights on and the windows so black. All I did was take off my red hunting hat and put it in my pocket.
All of a sudden this lady got on and sat down right next to me. The whole car was practically empty, but she came and sat down next to me, instead of sitting in an empty seat. It turns out that her goddamn son goes to Pencey. Ernest Morrow - he was one of those type of people who after they'd had a shower would go around snapping his old wet towel at people's asses. When she asked what my name was I said "Rudolf Schmidt." I didn't feel like giving her my whole goddamn life history.
After we'd chatted about her goddamn son I asked her if she'd care for a cocktail. I was feeling in the mood for one myself. She said that she'd better not and that the club car was most probably closed. I'd forgotten all about what time it was. When he asked why I was going home early I told her all this crap about how I needed an operation because I had a small brain tumour. I couldn't stop lying. Once I get started I can go on for hours. No kidding. Once she was about to get off she wished me luck with my operation and all. She even invited my to visit Ernest in the summer, but I just thanked her and said that I was going to be away in South America with my grandmother. Which was really a hot one, because my grandmother hardly ever leaves the goddamn house. But I wouldn't visit that sonuvabitch Morrow for all the goddamn dough in the world - even if I was desperate.

Chapter 7

I knew damn well he was awake when I saw him lying in his bed. I finally found the switch to the light and turned it on. Old Ackley put his hands up so it wouldn't hurt his eyes. He asked what the hell happened to me when he saw the blood and all from where Stradlater hit me. He asked what the goddamn fight was about but I just said it was a long story. I never discussed my personal life with him. After a while I went over and looked out of the window. I felt so lonesome all of a sudden. I almost wished I was dead. Ackley asked what the fight was about for about the goddamn fiftieth time. He certainly was a bore about that. I went over and laid down on Ely's bed. Boy did I feel lonesome. I just laid there and thought about Jane and all.
Once I'd left Ackley snoring in his bed, I decided that I was going to leave Pencey - right that same night and all. I mean, not wait till Wednesday or anything. I went back to my room and started to pack. It made me a little depressed because I had to pack these brand-new ice skated my mother had sent me a couple of days before. She bought me the wrong kind of skated though.
When I was ready to go, I took a last look down the goddamn corridor. I was sort of crying. I don't know why. I put my red hunting hat on and then yelled at the top of my goddamn voice, "Sleep tight, ya morons!" I bet that woke every bastard on the floor. After that I got the hell out.

Chapter 6

I think I was still looking out of the window when I heard Stradlater's goddamn footsteps coming down the corridor, but I'm not sure. I swear I can't remember. I was thinking about how his date went with Jane. I knew what he was like. He was unscrupulous. He really was. I was so damn worried. When he came in and got undressed he didn't say one goddamn word about the date. All he did was thank me for letting him borrrow my goddamn hound's jacket. When he had read the work I did for him all he did was complain and said it had to be about a room or a house or something - not a baseball mitt. In the end i tore the goddamn thing up. He didn't say a word about Jane so I asked him about it. My voice was shaking something awful. When he told me it sounded like he didn't even give a damn and that they stayed in Ed Banky's goddamn car all night. He let him borrow the thing whenever he wanted it. When I asked him if he gave her the time in his car he said "Thats's a proffessional secret, buddy."
Next thing I knew, I got up off the bed and tried to sock him. Only I missed. I'd caught the side of his head, which probably hurt a little bit - but not alot. Next thing, I was lay on the floor and he was sat on my goddamn chest with his face all red. After I'd shouted at him to get his knees off my chest he finally let me go.
I had a feeling that old Ackley would have heard all the racket, so I went through the shower curtains into his room. It always had a funny stink in it, because he was so crumby in his personal habits.

Allies Baseball Mitt

Haiku for Allie

Although you are gone,
Your memory still lives on,
Allie we love you.

Chapter 5

On a Sauturday night at Pencey we always had steak. It was supposed to be some big deal. You should have seen them. They were these little hard jobs that were dry as hell. You could hardly even cut the goddamn things. After dinner Mal Brossard and I decided to go for a hamburger and go see a movie. I invited Ackley along with us because he never goes out on a Saturday. It took him about five goddamn hours to get ready. Ackley and Mal had already seen the movie that was showing, so we got back to the dorm at about quarter to nine. Ackley came back to my room and started talking about some girl that he was supposed to have had sexual intercourse with the summer before. He'd already told me about a thousand times. He was a virgin if I ever saw one. Finally I told him he had to clear the hell out because I had to do that goddamn composition for Stradlater.
When I was ready I couldn't think of a thing to write. I'm not too crazy about describing houses and rooms or anything anyway. So finally I decided to write about my brother Allie's baseball mitt. The thing that was descriptive about it was that it had poems written all over the fingers and the pocket and everywhere. He did it so he would have something to read when he was in the field and nobody was up at bat. He's dead now. He got leukemia and died on July 18th 1946. He was terrifically intelligent. People with red hair are supposed to get really mad, but Allie didn't, and he had very red hair. He really did. God, he was a nice kid. I slept in the garage the night he died and broke all the goddamn windows with my fists, just for the hell of it. My hand still hurts once in a while, when it rains and all, and I can't really make a fist anymore. I mean, it's not like i'm going to be a goddamn surgeon or a violinist or anything like that anyway.
Anyway, old Allie's baseball mitt, that's what I wrote Stradlaters composition about. I had it with me in my suitcase so I copied the poems out and all. I sort of liked writing about it.
It was around ten-thrity when I finished. I wasn't even that tired. I looked out of the window and every now and again you could hear a car not being able to get started. And right through the goddamn shower curtains you could hear old Ackley snoring. He had sinus trouble and couldn't breathe too hot. That guy had just about everything that nobody else wanted. You had to feel a little sorry for the crazy sonuvabitch.

Chapter 4

I didn't have anything to do, so I went down to the can and chewed the rag with him while he was shaving. Stradlater always looked alright, but he was a secret slob. Like, his razor was always rusty as hell, with all lather and hairs and crap always left in it. I was sat on the wash bason next to his and I had a habit of turning the tap on and off. Then he asked me to do him a favour. He wanted me to write him a goddamn composition for English. I mean, it's me who's flunking out of the goddamn place but he wants me to do his work for him. It was very ironical. It really was. He said I had to write something descriptive - like a room or a house. I asked him who the hell his date was. He said that she knew me, and when he told me her name i damn near dropped dead. Jane Gallagher. Boy, I sat up from the washbowl when I heard that name. I couldn't believe it. She practically lived right next door to me, the summer before last. Boy, was I excited though. I really was. I oughta go down and say hello to her but I was too tired to be honest. I told him to give her my regards and to ask her if she still keeps all her kings on the back row - oh, we used to play checkers together all the time. I knew he probably wouldn't remember though. Boy, I was excited as hell. I couldn't stop thinking about her. As soon as Stradlater left, Ackley barged in again through the damn shower curtains. For the first time in my life I was pretty glad to see him - he took my mind off other stuff. He was talking about how he hated all the guys at Pencey and squeezing his big pimple on his chin. He could have at least used a goddamn hankerchief.

Chapter 3

Let me tell you one thing, I'm the most terrific liar you ever saw in your life. Like, if I'm on the way to buy a magazine and someone asks me where I'm going, I'd probably say I was on my way to the opera or some place like that. It's awful, it really is. When I told Spencer that I had to go and get some gym equipment - that was a complete lie. Boy, I can't help it.
Anyway, it was pretty nice to get back to my room after I'd left old Spencer, because everyone was still down at the game, and the heat was on in our room for a goddamn change. After a while I began reading a book that I took out of the library by mistake. It was them who gave me the goddamn wrong book and I didn't notice. I thought it was going to stink, but it was actually a very good book. I'm quite illiterate, but I do read a lot. My favourite author is D.B., my older brother who's out in Hollywood at the moment. Anyway, I'd only read about three pages of the book when I heard someone coming through the shower curtains. I knew straight away that it was Robert Ackey, this guy that roomed right next to me. About eighty-five times a day Ackley would barge in on me. He hardly ever went anywhere, he was probably the only guy apart from me who wasn't down at the game. He was a very perculiar guy. He was one of these extremely tall, round-shouldered guys - he was about six four - with lousy teeth. He was stood on the goddamn shower ledge taking a good look to see if Stradlater was around. He hated his guts. He damn near hated everybody's guts. After he'd walked around the room for a bit he started asking me about the goddamn fencing match. Boy, he can get on my nerves sometimes.
After he made himself at home, he started cutting his nails all over the goddamn floor! What's the hell is that about? Then I was trying to convince him that Stradlater wasn't the sunovabitch that he thought he was. Boy, he sure does have it in for him. All of a sudden Stradlater barged in as if he was in a big hurry. He was always in a big hurry. Soon after Ackley left - which didn't suprise me. Stradlater was asking me if he could borrow my goddamn hound's-tooth jacket for his goddamn date. He said he was going to have a quick shave, so he walked out the room with his toilet kit and towel under his arm. No shirt on or anything. He always walked around with no shirt on and a bare torso because he thought he had a damn good build. Which I have to admit, he did.

Where do the ducks go in winter?

Chapter 2

They were both around seventy and each had their own room and all. His door was open, but I still sort of knocked on, just to be polite and all. He was all wrapped up in his blanket on his big leather chair. "Who's that?" He yelled. "Caulfield? Come in, boy." He was always yelling, it got on your nerves sometimes. I was sort of sorry I had come the minute i went in. He was reading the Atlantic Monthly and I wasn't too crazy about sick people anyway.
After a bit he started asking about how my parents would take the news about me being kicked out of Pencey. "Well... they'll be pretty irritated about it. They really will. This is about the fourth school i've gone to." I shook my head. I shake my head quite alot actually.
Old Spencer started nodding and then started picking his nose. I guess he thought it was OK because I was the only person in the room. I mean, I didn't care, it's just pretty disgusting to watch somebody picking their nose.
All of a sudden i just wanted to get the hell out of the room. Boy, I could feel some big lecture coming on. He began asking me how many goddamn subjects I'd taken this term and how many I'd been failing in. He said he flunked me in history because I knew absolutely nothing - which was true i suppose. It really was. After he had finished going on with his goddamn self he told me to go and get my exam paper. It was a very dirty trick, but i went over and brought it over to him and I went and sat back down on the goddamn concrete bed. Boy, you can't imagine how sorry I was that I'd stopped by to say goodbye to him.
He started holding my exam paper like it was a turd or something. Then he started reading the goddamn thing out. I had wrote hardly anything and I had to sit there and listen to the crap. It really was a dirty trick. After he'd finished he looked at me like he'd just beaten the hell out of me at ping-pong or something. I don't think I'll ever forgive him for reading that piece of crap out to me. I really won't.
After he started questioning me about whether I blamed him for flunking me, I started thinking about the lagoon in Central Park. I was wondering if it would be frozen over when I got home, and if it was, where did the ducks go. Then he started going on about the old schools I got kicked out of and whether i had any difficulties there.
After another goddamn lecture, I told him that I best be going because I had quite a bit of equiptment at the gym I needed to pick up. He started nodding at me again, with a very serious look on his face. All of a sudden I felt sorry for the goddamn guy, but there was no way I could hang around there any longer. I told him not to worry about me and that I'd be alright.
After I shut the door I was sure he shouted something at me. It sounded like 'Good luck.' I hope to hell that's not what he shouted. I'd never say that to anyone. Boy, it sounds terrible.

Chapter 1

I suppose I'll start from last Christmas before I got T.B and had to come out to this hell hole of a psycho asylum. I mean, I'm not going to tell you my whole goddamn autobiography or anything - that would bore me to death. It really would. Anyway, I suppose it all started the day I left Pencey Prep. Let me tell you one thing, that place was full of goddamn phoneys! Every last one of 'em.
Well, it was on the Saturday of the big football game against Saxon Hall. It was the last game of the year so you were supposed to commit suicide or something if Pencey didn't win. Goddamn idiots. Anyway, I was stood way the hell up on top of Thomsen Hill and you could see the whole goddamn field from way up there. You could here everyone yelling and shouting for the Pencey side, because practically the whole school was down there apart from me.
Looking back, there were hardly ever any girls at the football games - only seniors were allowed to bring girls with them. I would have at least liked to have been somewhere where you could of seen a few girls around once in a while. It was an awful school, whatever way you looked at it.
Anyway, I was stood on top of the hill because I was on my way to say goodbye to old Spencer. He was my history teacher. He wrote me a note saying he wanted to see me before I went. Oh, I forgot to tell you about that - I got kicked out of Pencey Prep. I was failing in all subjects apart from English. Pencey has a very good academic rating, it really does.
Well anyway, I wasn't really stood on the hill watching the game, I was trying to feel some kind of a goodbye. When I leave a place I like to know I'm leaving. If I don't, I feel even worse. When i got to Spencers Mrs. Spencer opened the door. I asked her how her and Mr. Spencer were but she's quite deaf so she was just going on with herself. I asked her again only louder, so she'd hear me. "I've been just fine Holden, how have you been?" I could tell by the way she asked me that old Spencer had told her I'd been kicked out. "Fine," I said. "How's Mr. Spencer? He over his grippe yet?" "Over it! Holden, he's behaving like a perfect - I don't know what... He's in his room, dear. Go right in."